Life & living with cansir..

  The past few weeks have been a blur. My brother at the age of 53 passed away from cansir. (lymphoma) What is so crazy is that we never knew he had it. We knew he was having some health issues but never imagined how sick he really was. 9 days after he was admitted to the hospital he passed . . I  couldn't go to hospice and see him that way. At around 4:30 in the morning the alarm clock in my hotel room went off. I received the call a few minutes later that he had passed. I know it sounds crazy but that was him telling me goodbye. I think we are all still in shock. I think everyone was expecting me to be the first one from  our family to go. Life is so unpredictable. I miss my brother . I am so happy that is pain is over. A couple of days before he passed he accepted Christ as his savior and for that I am thankful. I feel a little better knowing that he is now one of my guardian angels.
On my cansir front I am still fighting the fight.  Currently I am still battling these nasty brain mets and my original tumor has come back in my breast. However with this news I have also learned that all of the tumors in my liver are gone. ((YAY))!! I have been lucky enough to start on one of the new Herceptin drugs. (kadcyla) . I had my first infusion last week and it kicked my butt. If it works it will be worth it. I think maybe a mastectomy is in my near future. I never had one in the beginning because my cansir was so widespread it probably wouldn't have made a difference. Now I only have 1 tumor in my body, my oncologist seems to think that is what seeds the brain mets. So we will make that decision in a couple of weeks.
That's about all that is happening in my life at the moment. I try to strike a balance between being a wife, a mother, a business owner and a cansir patient. It sucks a lot. But there are times when  I just feel like me and those are the times I live for.
Sending Love, Hugs & Light......

49

Today is my 49th birthday and I have to say that I am so happy to be celebrating this one.I used to dread birthdays but now I am so greatful that God has allowed me this precious time. My 48th year was a rough one but I am feeling strong and hopeful. I just realized that since this cancir drama started, I have had approx. 56 chemo & targeted therapy treatments, 4 series of radiation tx to my brain, a craniotomy, 20 radiation tx to my thoracic & lumbar spine, radiation to my shoulder, 2 blood transfusions and have been in the hospital 7x this year. Wow. It looks scary when I write it all down. I didn't have any hair for a year this time, but now it is growing like crazy, curly and unruly. I am so happy to have hair. LOL!!! I try to pray and be thankful every day, I have been given a gift. I remember when I was first diagnosed. My husband was so sad and worried.I startrd to question the decisions I had made. I was so sad that I might not be here to witness Rocco's milestones in life. I worried that I wouldn't see him lose his first teeth. I made it though, he just lost his 1st one. All I could do was smile .. When Rocco was 3 years old, one day I was sick and cyying. and he put his little hands on my face and said " don't worry mommy it will all be ok". I believe that God hears our prayers .  He has answered a lot of mine. My wish for my 49th year is for peace , to be kinder and that I can use this time to glorify God in some way. I am looking and waiting for his request.
Love and Light..

As I say farewell to 2012

    As I welcome in a new year I am thankful that I am still here. 2012 was rough to say the least. However I made it and am feeling strong. Dec 24 marked the 3 year anniversary of my diagnosis. I have officially beat the prognosis statistics for my disease.(Woooo Hoooo). 2011 and early 2012 started with what we thought was a recurrence in my liver and brain. I went back on some nasty chemo, had neutropenic fever, brain radiation ( for the 3rd time ). I also had a blockage in my common bile duct. I know that it all sounds really bad, but it ended up being scar tissue in my liver and brain that was causing all of the problems. I had open brain surgery in April and 3 procedures on my liver. I have recently been taken off of the nasty chemo and am on targeted therapies. I have also regained use of my right hand and arm. I have numb feet and toes from the chemo and achy joints. But that is okay, it could be so much worse. I have also for the 1st time in my life lost 25 lbs. I know that is not the best way to lose it, but whatever, I will take it.  Thank you to everyone that stayed around, I know it is hard to deal with sick people especially ones as stubborn as me. My family appreciates the help.
  I am looking forward to the future and pray everyday that God has it in his plan for me to be here so  I can see my son grow up. Have a Happy New Year.. 

Trying to get back to normal.

Wow, a lot has happened since my last post in August.  However, I am starting to feel stronger. I have decided to go back to work a little and am looking forward to the holidays. My cancer continues to dance around somewhere between full remission and little sprouts of tumors here and there. I had new scans on Tuesday. The suspicious lesions that caused all of the trouble with my liver are gone. but I now have one on my kidney. I am currently on 2 targeted therapies and had to go off of chemo due to severe neuropathy in my feet. It is amazing how good I feel without the chemo. I know that this is temporary, but I will take what I can get. I have been fortunate enough to be one of the 1st people to get a brand new drug called Perjeta. It did amazing things in the clinical trials for women with Stage 4 breast cancer. Women who were having 9 months of disease free progression were making it to 18 months disease free. WoooHoooo!!! I will take whatever I can get. Cansir is, not for sissies, it is the hardest thing that I have ever had to face. Sometimes I get so scared , not because I am afraid to die, I am more afraid of becoming dependent. I have to constantly remind myself that God is in my corner and that he will not put more on me than I can handle.  In the meantime I am trying to get strong again and am so thankful for the extra time.  Love and Light.. Lori

COUNTING MY BLESSINGS

1.  To be blessed by the perfect love of our lord.
2.  The love and patience of my husband.
3.  My sweet little boy and loyal old dog.
4.  My family
5.  My friends
6.  A strong body and mind that takes everything that this crazy cancir sends my way.
7.  Amazing doctors
8.  Jello , applesauce and gatorade.
9.  Nauseau meds
10. My Job

These are only a few.

Hello. I am so happy that I am able to post today. It has been a while. My trouble started around Jan. My new scans revealed that 1 of the previously radiated lesions in my brain had returned as well as 3 new small liver lesions. We radiated the brain lesion once again and it seemed to be ok for a few weeks. I wasn't feeling very well one day and started to run a fever. I thought that because my son was sick at the time that I had caught his virus. But noooo. nothing is ever that simple with cancir. I went to see my oncologist and discovered that I has neutropenic fever and was  quaratined at Halifax. They could not stop my vomiting so they scanned my brain again. The lesion that had been previously treated was growing  and closing off the ventricles in my brain. So I had to have a craniototomy. It wasn't so bad, but my motor skills were messed up for a while. They are getting better but I still have a few problems with left and right. It is taking me forever to type this. LOL, LOL!!!!  The GOOD NEWS is that the growing brain lesion was scar tissue, not more cancir. YAY!!!!!!!.

This was only the beginning of this drama I post part 2 later... The Liver Follies, brand new chemo and bald again.

Have a Blessed Day

Maybe May

This month has been a rough one. It started on a positive note. I thought that I would be finishing up the chemo regimen that I was on, would be in remission, go on maintenance chemo and have a great summer. But once again the cancer gods have there own idea. I underwent SRS radiation surgery to my brain again a few weeks ago, but it didnt work this time. I have also had very low blood counts which just landed me in the hospital for 4 days. I guess I feel lucky that my oncologist noticed something was going on. I had a severe headache and was vomiting constantly. At the hospital they discovered that the tumor that was zapped with radiation is getting bigger and causing my brain to swell. So now I get to have real brain surgery. YIPEEE!!! As soon as my bloodcounts recover from the chemo. Which will probaby be is a week or 2.
When will this ever end, I AM SOOOOO TIRED...

April and I am thankful..

I am not going to talk about cansir in this post. It gets enough of my time. I want to reflect on how blessed I am. I recently celebrated my 48th birthday. Wow!! I am 48, when did that happen? LOL!! I mean I still feel 25 only smarter and fatter. I have so many people that love me. I had so many birthday wishes that I can't hardly count them all. How cool is that?. My beautiful litte boy will be turning 5 in a couple of months. My husband is amazing and really puts up with some crap from my crazy arse. I hope he know how much I love him and that he is the rock of our family. The rest of my family is doing ok ,for once, healthy and happy.
  I was at church on Easter Sunday and the priest was talking about the resurection of Christ and how we are forgiven no matter what we do. Also about how we all have struggles and how we overcome the most difficult of circumstances. He delivered the message of Easter perfectly. I cannot remember a time when it meant so much to me.I felt like he was talking directly to me. My son sat perfectly still on my lap as if he understood every word.
When we were going through the adoption process to bring him home I used to get so frustrated at how long it was taking, but now I understand, we didn't adopt a child sooner because he wasn't born yet. God sent him to us. What an amazing gift!!!
But for now I have to go because Rocco has something really important to tell me.. LOL!!!! I AM SO BLESSED!!!
HAVE A BEAUTIFUL SPRING!!!!!