Monday, July 29, 2013

Life & living with cansir..

  The past few weeks have been a blur. My brother at the age of 53 passed away from cansir. (lymphoma) What is so crazy is that we never knew he had it. We knew he was having some health issues but never imagined how sick he really was. 9 days after he was admitted to the hospital he passed . . I  couldn't go to hospice and see him that way. At around 4:30 in the morning the alarm clock in my hotel room went off. I received the call a few minutes later that he had passed. I know it sounds crazy but that was him telling me goodbye. I think we are all still in shock. I think everyone was expecting me to be the first one from  our family to go. Life is so unpredictable. I miss my brother . I am so happy that is pain is over. A couple of days before he passed he accepted Christ as his savior and for that I am thankful. I feel a little better knowing that he is now one of my guardian angels.
On my cansir front I am still fighting the fight.  Currently I am still battling these nasty brain mets and my original tumor has come back in my breast. However with this news I have also learned that all of the tumors in my liver are gone. ((YAY))!! I have been lucky enough to start on one of the new Herceptin drugs. (kadcyla) . I had my first infusion last week and it kicked my butt. If it works it will be worth it. I think maybe a mastectomy is in my near future. I never had one in the beginning because my cansir was so widespread it probably wouldn't have made a difference. Now I only have 1 tumor in my body, my oncologist seems to think that is what seeds the brain mets. So we will make that decision in a couple of weeks.
That's about all that is happening in my life at the moment. I try to strike a balance between being a wife, a mother, a business owner and a cansir patient. It sucks a lot. But there are times when  I just feel like me and those are the times I live for.
Sending Love, Hugs & Light......

Friday, April 12, 2013


Today is my 49th birthday and I have to say that I am so happy to be celebrating this one.I used to dread birthdays but now I am so greatful that God has allowed me this precious time. My 48th year was a rough one but I am feeling strong and hopeful. I just realized that since this cancir drama started, I have had approx. 56 chemo & targeted therapy treatments, 4 series of radiation tx to my brain, a craniotomy, 20 radiation tx to my thoracic & lumbar spine, radiation to my shoulder, 2 blood transfusions and have been in the hospital 7x this year. Wow. It looks scary when I write it all down. I didn't have any hair for a year this time, but now it is growing like crazy, curly and unruly. I am so happy to have hair. LOL!!! I try to pray and be thankful every day, I have been given a gift. I remember when I was first diagnosed. My husband was so sad and worried.I startrd to question the decisions I had made. I was so sad that I might not be here to witness Rocco's milestones in life. I worried that I wouldn't see him lose his first teeth. I made it though, he just lost his 1st one. All I could do was smile .. When Rocco was 3 years old, one day I was sick and cyying. and he put his little hands on my face and said " don't worry mommy it will all be ok". I believe that God hears our prayers .  He has answered a lot of mine. My wish for my 49th year is for peace , to be kinder and that I can use this time to glorify God in some way. I am looking and waiting for his request.
Love and Light..