Sunday, October 31, 2010

Happy Halloween

I am invisioning a nasty little Satanic cancer cell.  Slowly and mysteriously creeping into peoples lives and turning what they thought was  perfect, completely upside down. this is by far the scariest costume I have ever had to wear.  Don't read this post the wrong way, I am totally lucid but just a little pissed off today. I am not sure if it is the steroids the situation or my brain. I feel as though I  need to keep a tiny bit of the anger present, so I  know what I am up against. Cancer is  life taker, it ruins families every day.  Who really knows what God's plans are for our lives. I understand that it is not God that has caused this complication, it is Satan and he is constantly trying to find weaknesses so he can get into our lives. Stand strong against cancer, keep walking, talking and tell everyone you know that cancer can't win!!!! I appreciate all of the walks, support  and love. I just know that someday, there will be cure, a 100% cure. Until then I plan to do everything in my power. Fight Like a Girl!!!!!!!! I will claim my victory over cancer!!!

Saturday, October 30, 2010

Steroids & Scary Thoughts,,

I will start this post by praising my wonderful husband. I cannot believe that he has put up with my pissy attitude. The doctors say my 2 new friends, my brain lesions are on the parietal lobes of my brain which is affecting my emotions and my spatial awareness.
so I guess I kind of have an excuse to be a biotch!!  Besides the spots,( I will call them spots, it sounds  so much better than  tumor.) I am on steroids to keep my brain swellling at a minmum until my surgery next week. My face has swelled up like a full moon. My knees are swollen, I feel like CRAP!!!!!! I am also having daily radiation treatments to my spine with my chemotherapy every 3 weeks. But I once again am determined to kick this cancer to the curb. it is not going to be as easy this time, but I have God with me and amazing little boy ,who I don't know what will happen to if he loses me and a husband that loves me so much that he wishes he could take this damn cancer into his own body. So I am armed and ready for battle. Come on cancer, you met your match.
I will not let you destroy my family.

Chemo, Scans, Oncologist oh my!!!!!

I guess I can say that I feel very blessed to have the amazing arsenal of doctors taking care of me. They are all so wonderful. I started chemotherapy in January. the treatments weren't too too bad. I  had good days and really bad days, but I really tried to focus on healing and getting better. It took about 3 weeks after chemo for my hair to start falling out. That will freak a girl out!. Standing in the shower watching my golden locks fall to the drain reminded me a movie. even though, I knew it was all going to be gone, it still didn't seem like it was mine.  A very dreamy and shocking feeling. Other than hair loss, I lost all sense of taste . My sense of smell was amplified by about 10000%, I could smell everthing and most of the smells made me sick. YAK!!!! no cooking for cancer patients!!!!  I was very very blessed with my first treatment. I reached remission by April, was taken off of the taxol drugs, my hair started coming back and I was feeling wonderful.  I still  have  maintenance chemo every 3 weeks and take hormonals to keep my ovaries shut down. Hot flashes suck but are very much a part of my life. I was feeling good, back to living a pretty normal life, feeling like I was kickin cancer's ass
and then I crashed my car. Yep, you guessed it, that nasty cancer is now in my brain!!!! WTF!!!!! 10 months after the whole thing started, here we go again!!!

The first day of the rest of my life

On Dec.27th 2009 I was diagnosed with stageIV Breast Cancer. I must say that holiday season will probably be the most memorable one my life.  I discovered a lump in my right breast the week before Christmas. I'll never forget that trip to my gynecologist. He needle biopsied the lump, the whole time telling me that the edges seemed smooth and it was probably nothing. All of a sudden his face changed to a scary gray color. It was then I knew. the next couple of days were a blur. General surgeon immediately and then a vacuum assisted biopsy on Christmas Eve. Yep, it was cancer, they knew it, we didn't even have to wait for the biopsy to come back.  However, nothing could have preoared me for my next suprise. I had been having some stomach issues for a few weeks, my general doctor was testing me for gall bladder trouble. all of his test were coming up negative. So 2 days after Christmas I  had the most painful stomachache of my life.
went to ER and guess what more cancer, it was everywhere, my lungs, my liver, my bones. I  had 2 fractured ribs from a tumor , a fractured vertebrae and my liver was so full that my scan said all but replaced by tumor.  Happy New Year to me.