In a couple of hours I will once again be undergoing a procedure called stereotactic radiosurgery. It is basically very precise radiation to my brain to kill the nasty little cancer lesions that want to live there. This time I have 9 new ones taking up residence on my cerebellum. Don't panic though, the procedure is really not that bad and I have the best radiation oncologist on the planet looking after me. The hardest part about is they have to put my face in a very tight mask and bolt it to the table. If you know me, I am usually a kind of hyper person , so having to be still for any length of time is a challenge for me. I also get to have this procedure 2 times this week because of the amount of lesions that I have. YIPEE!!!!
Hopefully this will wipe them out.
On the chemo front, I started back on taxol the day before Thanksgiving, but found out last Friday that it is not working. My cancer markers keep going up, which is not really what I wanted to hear, but just the same I have to deal with it. So I started on a new med called Abraxane, which seems to be a little easier, I had it on Friday and other than a little fatigue, I have a pretty normal weekend.
I have been noticing the past couple of days that my hair hurts.. LOL!!! Really, it hurts, it feels like someone is pulling it, I know from experience that it is getting ready to depart. I think I am going to wait this time for the GI Jane look, in hopes that it will hang around until after Christmas. We are planning a trip to Boston and it is soo cold up there, I can't imagine what it will feel like bald.
I have been very angry about this progression and have realized that it is not fair for me to walk around giving everyone a hard time because I feel sorry for myself, I have even stopped going to church, because, I was feeling angry with God,. OMG, am I crazy, I know that he is the only being that can truly save me. I won't even try to figure out his plan, because whatever the outcome, it is the way it is supposed to be.
It seems like every time, I get really low, he shows me something to prove that my situation could be a lot worse. I was walking into Twin Lakes imaging last week for my umpteenth MRI and the minute I walked in the door I almost ran into a woman that doesn't have any legs. I felt like he slapped me in the head.At least I can walk.
I am very blessed in my life, every morning I wake up to my wonderful husband who has really taken some crap from me since this whole thing started, but he is still here. My beautiful little boy, who is the light of our family and a very loyal old dog, who is 10 years old today. My life isn't perfect, but it is ok, we will get through this and I am anxiously awaiting the day that I can say the word REMISSION once again. Oh and I almost forgot, I really can't wait to have beer and brownies again!!!