I am getting really tired of having cansir. I mean, don't get me wrong, I am thankful that I have responded to chemo so well and that God has blessed me with 2 more years of my life. I am just exhausted, tired of constantly having test.Tired of devoting about 5 hours of my life every month going to doctors and chemo and labs. Tired of constantly being exposed to more doses of radiation which inevitably will give me more cansir. Tired of what can happen, what might happen, what might not happen. I am tired of walking into a room and people looking at me like I am a lepper. I am tired of people judging me and whispering about how I am crazy since the cansir. Well I have news for everyone, I was CRAZY before the cansir. If you are wondering what brought on this rant, I just want to be normal again, I don't want to be tired all of the time and constantly have to worry if I decide to eat a hot fudge sundae or a cheeseburger. Wonder if it will make me come out of remission. I want to get botox again, have a facelift. I want to go out in the sun without getting burned. A lot of people say that cansir has been the best thing that ever happened to them. Don't believe it, I mean maybe the ones that are cured feel that way, but not people like me for which there is no cure . I will continue this battle until it kills me. I won't give up, but I am not always going to be happy about it. THIS SUCKS!!!! in the worst kind of way..
OK, I feel better, I must go to work now.
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