Friday, March 30, 2012

Farewell March..

I never thought in my situation that I would ever be wishing my months away, but March is one I am happy to see go. Let's see, it all started with the new scans. I was really hoping that my decreasing cansir markers also meant that I was really going into remission, but nooooo. I discovered that I still have a tumor on my liver, a very painful one in my shoulder and 1 in my brain again. So I am still on nasty chemo. it takes at least 2 weeks to recover from treatment. The drugs I am on now are called carboplatin, abraxane, xgeva, herceptin, and the day after I have these I get a shot of something called neulasta to boost my plateletts because my body is having a really hard time producing it's own. I don't think I have been this tired since the whole thing started. 2 weeks ago, I was feeling really dizzy, almost fell in the pool, found out that I only had about 1/3 of the red blood cells that I am supposed to have. I had my first blood transfusion. Wow, I felt so good after that it was amazing.Thank you so much to donors out there.
I am currently undergoing radiation treatments to my shoulder and will once again have SRS surgery to my brain in the next couple of weeks,possibly 5 days of it this time, I can hardly wait to see how I feel after that. That makes 3 times for the brain radiation. (((SCARY!!!)))
I am still working some and am so thankful for the time I can spend doing what I love. I am thankful for all of my time really, I am just soooo tired, tired of all of this.  I worry so much about the toll this disease is taking on my family. I don't think Rocco understands, but Ron worries so much.
 I freakin hate cansir, I wish it would go away and leave my family alone. Sometimes I feel like it is inevitable that things will slowly get worse, and then sometimes I still don't believe that I have this disease. Sometimes I think that if I don't think about it that it will go away. I think all of the time, not a moment goes by that am not trying to rationlize it away.
I lost another friend 2 weeks ago, Chris. she fought for 7 years, had brain mets just like me, treated with SRS just like me, 3 times just like me..finally they could no longer control it in her brain. WTF!!!!
this is making me nuts!!!!
I am having a new brain scan on Thursday, it is called a kuperman study, it is an mri that shows your brain in small slices.The purpose is to show the radiation oncologist excatly where to point the radiation. I am praying to the scan gods that I still only have 1 new one in there.
I seen  a nutritionist today, she is concerned that I am losing too much muscle, I am concerned too, but most days it is all I can do to get out of bed. So today I forced a workout and a swim. I must say I felt better after. Life for me is a fight, the fight for my life ,my family's life, this disease will eventually beat me, but for now, I am standing strong, fighting to exist.
I am praying for a brighter April....


  1. Lori, keep the faith. You are you and sooo strong. Xoxo CF

    1. Thanks Chuckie, we all are, we have to be , we have no other choice.

  2. Lori, what can anyone say? Except you're in our prayers, cancer sucks big time and you and your family have been thru a lot!I hope this brain scan has a positive aspect for you, that they find only one area and can figure out your treatment. I don't know how you have the strength to deal with all you do! Thank you posting this; at least we know what's going on and can pray, pray, pray for a positive outcome for you! Miss seeing you!