When fear creeps in..

This week 1 of the women I know from chemo passed away and another woman who has been fighting
the same amount of time as I is in hospice. It seems like it wasn't that long ago, I was talking with them and they were both doing well. I say to myself, how can that be? Is that how it is going to be for me, here feeling great for now, and then just 1 day, I get sick and it is over. How can that be?? HOW CAN THAT BE!!? I am so sad about this. I just want to scream..  Am I fooling myself, am I in denial about what is probably inevitable?? I must stay strong for my family, I must.  May God give me the strength I need to to survive this damn disease.
Rest in Peace Barbara, I am praying for your family. Judy, I hope your last few days here are peaceful. I know there is a painless beautiful place waiting for you in heaven.  GOD BLESS!!!!!!!

My Blessed Life

It has been a while since I  posted anything new to this blog . I have been so busy back to living this amazing life that God has given me. I recently had the opportunity to spend 5 days with some dear friends at a photography conference in Arizona. We laughed and cried , I made new friends and had the much needed time to reconnect with some old ones. Although I am completely exhausted my heart is full.  When I got home my wonderful husband a sweet little boy were waiting for me with open arms. I often ask myself and am trying to figure out why God has spared my life, I know that it is because there is something that he wants me to do,  Until then I will try to do the best that I can to serve him and teach others about what I know.
Hallelujah!!!!

Mother's Day

I am writing this post today because it just occurred to me how we are all intertwined

in this journey of life.  As women we play so many roles day to day, we work, take  care of our children and families and try to be responsible for the happiness of so many others. Yesterday, my husband , son and I went to my studio to take a family portrait. It was very hard to get them to cooperate and to get good images on self timer, but it was fun and I think I will make it a yearly tradition. When we were viewing the images later on last night, the fun was all they remembered. How cool is that!!  As women we are powerful, God knew that, that is why women have the babies and the responsibilty of taking care of our families. As a photographer, I have witnessed this same scenario over and over, sometimes it is hard to get everyone together but in the end all that matters is is the laughter. I hope you all had a wonderful day..

May

Wow, May already. I can't hardly believe it. I used to think that time went by too quickly, but now I really do. It has been 1 year and 5 months since my cansir dx., and April was 1 year since I have been in remission. Crazy, it seems like a blur. On the health front, I am doing ok. My cansir seems to be happy in remission right now, I hope it stays there. I am still having treatment every 3 weeks and have recently been dx with RA, which is a lovely side effect from the cansir drugs. The rheumatoid arthritis has caused me to get a bad case of carpal tunnel which I will be having surgery on sometime in the near future. But all in all, I am doing really well. My oncologist sent me to a nutritionist, because I got too fat on the steroids.(LOL!!)Funny thing about cansir, my kind anyway, that fat can cause it to come back. So I am really trying hard to get it all off of my body.I recently had another birthday and I am proud to say that I am 47 and cannot wait for the next and the next.I will be celebrating my 3rd Mothers Day and my 21st wedding anniversary next week. Wow!!! 21 years, that man really loves me!!
I am so blessed.

God is So Good!!!

I am so happy to say that I  am still officially in remission. I had a very stressful week. We cansirites call in Scanxiety. I swear I had a headache for a week before yesterday, I just knew that they were going to tell me that I had more brain tumors. But they didn't , WOOOOOOO HOOOOOOO!!!!! My oncology nurse also called me as soon as she received my PET scan report to let me know that everything is still stable. How many healthcare providers do you know that would go out of their way to give me the news asap ? The staff and doctors at Halifax Oncology ROCK!!!!!!! I am so lucky to have them in my corner. 
So to all of you, have a wonderful weekend,, I am going to get out and enjoy this amazing day that God has given us.

A story of Hope..

I just read an article from a woman named Katherine Russell Rich who is a 17 year survivor of metastatic breast cansir. Her story is one of hope. Some of what you are about to read comes from her book.  I am inspired and completely get what she is saying. So enjoy.
I deeply believe that there is no such thing as false hope: all hope is valid, even for people like me, even when hope would no longer appear to be sensible. Life itself isn't sensible. No one can say with ultimate authority what will happen with cansir ,a job that appears shaky or reversed fortunes .So you may as well seize all glimmers that appear.
Not to say that having stage 4 cansir is easy. It is tough, the waiting for scans, the pain, the drugs, the side effects, the not knowing what the future has in store for you. The dark days. Trying to plan for what might or might not happen. Some days I worry so much about what will happen to my family if this stuff decides to kill me. I try not to have too many days like that, but sometimes they just sneak up on me.
This past year I have had the joy of watching my sweet little boy, grow taller, get smarter ( he is so smart ) and learn how to talk . He is amazing. I also realized that my marriage is so strong and built on a foundation that only God has the strength to provide. I have a new appreciation for my family and friends. I am so excited about my work. I savor the opportunity to create someting beautiful for people that they will have for their lifetime.
I have new scans coming up on Feb 7, please say little prayer for me.
Wishing all of you blessed day. Do something today that makes you heart sing..

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

As another year comes to a close, I find myself thinking about how blessed I have been . Things were pretty scary at the beginning of 2010. My future was so uncertain.
I now have 1 year as a cansir warrior under my belt. A lot of people use the word survivor, but I am still fighting so I think warrior is a better word. I have had the honor of meeting many more people just like me. They all have their own story to tell , some are very young and some are very old. Some of them talk to me, some won't, some think I am crazy. LOL!!! However, no matter what their circumstance I have learned so much from these brave people. I met a sweet lady during my radiation treatments who herself was diagnosed with breast cansir 3 years ago, the same year , her daughter was diagnosed with breast cansir and now her sweet husband is battling kidney cansir. I am lucky, she has been to hell and back. I have learned so much about myself this year. I have also learned that I have so many people that really love me. I am looking forward to 2011 with an anxious anticipation. I am so excited about the future . I am living my life 1 day at a time and hope to be the best person I can be for each one of them. So have the Happiest New Year that you can. I am going to.  Sending Love & Light your way.. xoxoxo..