Blah Blah Blah

I am getting really tired of having cansir. I mean, don't get me wrong, I am thankful that I have responded to chemo so well and that God has blessed me with 2 more years of my life. I am just exhausted, tired of constantly having test.Tired of devoting about 5 hours of my life every month going to doctors and chemo and labs. Tired of constantly being exposed to more doses of radiation which inevitably will give me more cansir. Tired of what can happen, what might happen, what might not happen. I am tired of walking into a room and people looking at me like I am a lepper. I am tired of people judging me and whispering about how I am crazy since the cansir. Well I have news for everyone, I was CRAZY before the cansir. If you are wondering what brought on this rant, I just want to be normal again, I don't want to be tired all of the time and constantly have to worry if I decide to eat a hot fudge sundae or a cheeseburger. Wonder if it will make me come out of remission. I want to get botox again, have a facelift. I want to go out in the sun without getting burned. A lot of people say that cansir has been the best thing that ever happened to them. Don't believe it, I mean maybe the ones that are cured feel that way, but not people like me for which there is no cure . I will continue this battle until it kills me. I won't give up, but I am not always going to be happy about it. THIS SUCKS!!!! in the worst kind of way..
OK, I feel better, I must go to work now.

Cruising at a boring normal..

Since this is breast cancer awareness month I felt compelled to post. I haven't posted in a while, I really have no new news on the cansir front. I continue to be in remission which is AWESOME!!. If I didn't have to go to chemo every 3 weeks, I  would forget all about this damn cansir.   My hair is now about 3 inches long, I actually had a ponytail on the top the other day (( LOL!!!)  If I am feeling really brave I will post a picture of that later.
I really wanted to post this for everyone that has been touched by cansir. I feel so blessed and that I am one of the lucky ones so far. My prognosis was pretty grim in the beginning and when I was dx with brain mets, I though my whole world would come crashing down around me. But , it didn't, God continues to bless my life in so many ways.
I  am a new vegan, it is not too bad, I am actually enjoying, the challenge. My doctor said that I now have to lose all this weight, that I have gained since dx. Apparently, it can help me to stay in remission. I am planning on starting hot yoga in the next week or 2. My goodness I hope i don't have a hot flash and pass out in there.. LOL!!!!
So to all of you who are walking, running zumba-ing, fundraising, I am sending a big fat kiss your way.
Thank you..

When fear creeps in..

This week 1 of the women I know from chemo passed away and another woman who has been fighting
the same amount of time as I is in hospice. It seems like it wasn't that long ago, I was talking with them and they were both doing well. I say to myself, how can that be? Is that how it is going to be for me, here feeling great for now, and then just 1 day, I get sick and it is over. How can that be?? HOW CAN THAT BE!!? I am so sad about this. I just want to scream..  Am I fooling myself, am I in denial about what is probably inevitable?? I must stay strong for my family, I must.  May God give me the strength I need to to survive this damn disease.
Rest in Peace Barbara, I am praying for your family. Judy, I hope your last few days here are peaceful. I know there is a painless beautiful place waiting for you in heaven.  GOD BLESS!!!!!!!

My Blessed Life

It has been a while since I  posted anything new to this blog . I have been so busy back to living this amazing life that God has given me. I recently had the opportunity to spend 5 days with some dear friends at a photography conference in Arizona. We laughed and cried , I made new friends and had the much needed time to reconnect with some old ones. Although I am completely exhausted my heart is full.  When I got home my wonderful husband a sweet little boy were waiting for me with open arms. I often ask myself and am trying to figure out why God has spared my life, I know that it is because there is something that he wants me to do,  Until then I will try to do the best that I can to serve him and teach others about what I know.
Hallelujah!!!!

Mother's Day

I am writing this post today because it just occurred to me how we are all intertwined

in this journey of life.  As women we play so many roles day to day, we work, take  care of our children and families and try to be responsible for the happiness of so many others. Yesterday, my husband , son and I went to my studio to take a family portrait. It was very hard to get them to cooperate and to get good images on self timer, but it was fun and I think I will make it a yearly tradition. When we were viewing the images later on last night, the fun was all they remembered. How cool is that!!  As women we are powerful, God knew that, that is why women have the babies and the responsibilty of taking care of our families. As a photographer, I have witnessed this same scenario over and over, sometimes it is hard to get everyone together but in the end all that matters is is the laughter. I hope you all had a wonderful day..

May

Wow, May already. I can't hardly believe it. I used to think that time went by too quickly, but now I really do. It has been 1 year and 5 months since my cansir dx., and April was 1 year since I have been in remission. Crazy, it seems like a blur. On the health front, I am doing ok. My cansir seems to be happy in remission right now, I hope it stays there. I am still having treatment every 3 weeks and have recently been dx with RA, which is a lovely side effect from the cansir drugs. The rheumatoid arthritis has caused me to get a bad case of carpal tunnel which I will be having surgery on sometime in the near future. But all in all, I am doing really well. My oncologist sent me to a nutritionist, because I got too fat on the steroids.(LOL!!)Funny thing about cansir, my kind anyway, that fat can cause it to come back. So I am really trying hard to get it all off of my body.I recently had another birthday and I am proud to say that I am 47 and cannot wait for the next and the next.I will be celebrating my 3rd Mothers Day and my 21st wedding anniversary next week. Wow!!! 21 years, that man really loves me!!
I am so blessed.

God is So Good!!!

I am so happy to say that I  am still officially in remission. I had a very stressful week. We cansirites call in Scanxiety. I swear I had a headache for a week before yesterday, I just knew that they were going to tell me that I had more brain tumors. But they didn't , WOOOOOOO HOOOOOOO!!!!! My oncology nurse also called me as soon as she received my PET scan report to let me know that everything is still stable. How many healthcare providers do you know that would go out of their way to give me the news asap ? The staff and doctors at Halifax Oncology ROCK!!!!!!! I am so lucky to have them in my corner. 
So to all of you, have a wonderful weekend,, I am going to get out and enjoy this amazing day that God has given us.